Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I watched "The Good Shepherd" this weekend with my parents and, in addition to the killing and conniving, I was quite impressed with the ritual of the skull and bones; and I realize that PIA cannot survive based on its reputation alone. From now on the Pug Intelligence Agency will be a secret society full of ritual and butt sniffing.

This is me- I am authorized to announce that I am the Head of the Recruitment Directorate. I cannot disclose my overall position in the Agency but, like another "W", my rapid promotion was based largely on my lineage- as opposed to being based upon any qualification or intelligence. It rocks to be born into privilege!!!

The selection process is quite grueling. This recruit, Codenamed "Gorby," was ultimately determined not to be up to snuff and was run off. [Parents' note: We just talked to Gorby's people yesterday and Gorby is doing great. He has a big backyard and a Boston Terrier brother that actually likes him.]
This is Gorby miserably failing the quite simple "follow me" command.

This is actually my tapping out to join PIA. I cannot disclose the identity of this pug because he still on deep cover, attempting to get close enough to smother either some Jack Russell Terrier puppies (the Pug's mortal enemy) or any cat (target of opportunity).

Here, me and another veteran PIA member carefully inspect a young pup. He was ultimately selected to continue PIA training; so it would be a gross security violation to tell you that his name was Otis, and his mission is to recover the destroyed toys that my parents have hid on top of their dresser.

One of the last tests for a PIA trainee is to hunt down and kill a dog that has been declared an "undesirable." This little guy actually suceeded, but then attempted to eat this dog's still beating heart. He was subsequently ordered to undergo a follow up psychiatric examination. Note that no PIA member is ever alone, we always back each other up.

I like to run my new ideas by my most trusted advisor. Like Alberto Gonzales, he always gives me the answers that I want to hear.

World domination is an all encompassing profession, so I do occaisonally doze off.

But like any good secret agent...I sleep with one eye open!

Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth, Pug extraordinare!
So, I came across a great excuse to talk about my favorite subject-me. Some other dogs have been posting answers to this list of questions, and I am sure all my loyal fans are wondering what my answers to these questions would be. So here you go:

1. Your age? 1 year, on July 8. (Don't forget to mark that date for the party of the year, happening at Magnuson Park).
2. Your age when came to live with your people? Almost 7 weeks.
3. What color is the collar you’re wearing right now? Black, with white dog bones.
4. Who is your favorite person other than the people you live with? Aunt Lynn and Uncle Ray ... and pretty much any person who will give me attention.
5. How much do you weigh? Approximately 20 pounds, all muscle!

6. Most expensive thing you’ve ever chewed up? Well, when you're on your 10th Loofa, it starts to add up...
7. Do you like other Dogs? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, primarily I like other people like me.
8. Who is your best non-human friend? My yellow duck, the last survivor of my childhood toys. My Daddy thinks my new pink octopus, Calamari, is in the running to replace my yellow duck, but my Mommy doesn't think the duck will be replaced so easily.
9. Squeaky Toys or Tennis Balls? I prefer stuffed toys, shaped like balls, that squeak.
10. Do you like to be brushed? No. And since my parents bought the Furminator, I don't call it "brushing", I call it "torture".
11. Peanut Butter or Cheese? Both...NOW!
12. Do your people cut your toenails? Yes they do, but they usually have more battle scars at the end of the day than I do.
13. Any formal education? No, although I am such a wonderful dog that people often ask me which obedience school I went to.
14. Couch potato or Energizer Bunny? Energizer bunny, although I enjoy taking breaks for naps on the couch several times per day.
15. Five nicknames your people call you. Idiot, the Grand Duke, Wince, Pugsworth, Pug.

16. What is your best trick? With this face, I don't need to do tricks. I am a bit of an escape artist though; I have defeated about 4 car harnesses, and can jump out of my 4 foot high corral.
17. Do you like kitties? I have yet to have the misfortune to come across one of these creatures, so I need to do some more reasearch before I make a decision.
18. What did you have for breakfast? 2 bites of dog food, 27 treats, and some crumbs of people food I found on the floor.
19. Can you hunt (aka have you ever killed anything living)? I am very adept at hunting my stuffed animals. And my parents' feet.
20. When & why was the last time you went to the V.E.T.? About 3 months ago, after I was viciously attacked by my half-brother Gorby. He may have won that battle, but I clearly won the war.
21. Where do you sleep at night? On a pillow, in between my Mommy's and Daddy's pillows.
22. Do you like to swim? I like to run into the water and chase the big dogs, my feet haven't left the ground yet, but I get farther out every time.
23. Can you make puppies? No, but that doesn't stop me from trying with several of my stuffed toys.
24. Your favorite place to visit? Mommy or Daddy's lap.
25. Do you give kisses? I give kisses to anyone, anywhere, unless I am in a kissing contest, in which case I will absolutely NOT give kisses.
26. Can you potty on command? ...eventually.
27. To Cuz or not to Cuz? To Cuz, cause.
I hope you enjoyed hearing all about me as much as I liked talking about me!
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Yo Dawgs!!
What up Gs?? This be Big W in da' house!!! I gotta say I am disappointed in my comment gettin' skills lately. C'mon homies, I wanna hear yo's da' only way I can keep it real. Please, don't hesitate to comment or else my parents have said they will cut down my treats until my commenting level rebounds and I start pulling my weight around here. [Parents' note: he's lying, but we do love to hear everyone's comments.]

This is me, the original Notorious PUG.

This is me without the hood on, looking like my adorable self. I think that it is sad but my grumpy care bear outfit is already too tight.

Ah, to think back to the days when I was adorable and all I had to do to get love from people at the dog park was make eye-contact. Now everyone just wants to play with the most recent puppy edition.

I have found myself growing depressed as I think of my advancing age and realize that I have yet to impose my tyrannical (yet benevolent) rule upon a single city; not even the peaceful tree-huggers of Seattle have succumbed to my rule.

I am still the master of this House. Here I am making Mommy miserable as she attempts to load dirty laundry into the washing machine. She dare not complain.

In my dreams I am always the top dog.

My baseball has finally submitted to me; although I did have to destroy his friend the Loofa in front of his eyes before would finally give in.

Gotta keep the cute looks going for a little longer becuase they permit me to enter the good graces of numerous humans- then I shall use them to my own advantages.

But plotting does make me tired. For now I shall manage to endure the hardship that is my upbringing.

Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth
Even Idiots Love Their Dogs
Mommy works for a Judge and it was his turn to revoke people's probation for failing to pay court ordered restitution (whatever that means). This conversation REALLY happened:

Judge: Is there any reason you can think of that I should not send you to jail today? (probably rhetorical).
Idiot: I have a dog...[long pause]...and some kids.

The Judge is a dog person, so this appeal was actually a good, if ultimately unsuccessful one. But really, who can not be concerned about the well-being of an adorable animal with a face like this below.

This is me being cute.

This is me being really cute!!!
Snarf everydoggy later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth
PS- Daddy did not understand what was so funny and thought the idiot had raised a valid point. Mommy says that idiots think alike.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

My Weekend...the Mostest Awesomest EVER!!!
I am not making this up [Parent's Note: He's really not]: This weekend, I went to a dog restaurant. A restaurant for dogs, where dogs sit at the tables and get served their own food. Seattle Health Codes require that parents order take out from the restuarant upstairs, but that's ok because the Dog Waitress goes and picks it up for them.

This is me, unsure of what is coming but thinking that it may be good!

This is my chow-tini, a cocktail made of diluted chicken broth with a PUPPERONI (TM) stirrer. I drank the chow-tini and ate the stirrer while I perused the menu.

This is an appetizer appetizer, a sample of the patte to whet my appetite. I enjoyed the patte, but didn't bother with the biscuit. I wasn't going to be tricked into eating plain old dog biscuits.

I suspect that I may have unwittingly wasted room in my stomach by accidentally eating broccoli...GROSS!!! Daddy feels the same way about greens as I do.

Here is my real appetizer, biscuits and gravy.

YUMMY, gotta lick it of the plate.

I just had water to drink, even though my Mommy and Daddy got Coke. I am trying to keep my puppy-ish figure.

Here is my entree, sweedish meatballs with a side of peas and broccoli.

Why can't I eat like this everyday??

Mommy helped me use my fork, since I don't have opposable thumbs.

I was a little confused about who's food was who's. I mean, they let me eat off the table, but only some of the food on the table. I guess it's become a habit to go for Mommy's food even when I have my own delicious plate in front of me.

sooooooooo close!!!!

Here is the dessert tray. I had two levels of goodies to choose from. There were almost too many options.

I chose the cookie with the most icing, of course.
It was too big for me so Mommy and Daddy had to break it up piece by piece.

Ugghhh, I'm full!!!!

Full, and very sleepy. I am struggling to keep my eyes open while there is still food within my reach! I wish my Doggy friends could have been there with me, it was the BEST!!!

Snarf Everydog Later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

A Sad Anniversary
We have been puppy tagged by Suki. As you all know, my parents got me when they were looking for an excuse to stop studying for the bar exam, but that is not the whole story. A year ago my Daddy's high school puppy Frenchy died. Frenchy was a chihuahuah/daschaund mix (they think) that was adopted from the pound, and was named Frenchy because she French kissed anyone she met... a lot. She was also the sweetest dog ever and possessed the ability to disarm anyone. She even convinced Daddy's mother (who did not like dogs) to let her sleep in bed with her. And there Frenchy stayed, on the bed that is, for about 10 years. Visitors would quitely enter Daddy's parents' room and wait for her to lift her head, which was a sign that it was acceptable to approach and kiss. The only thing that could get her out of bed was the shaking of the car keys, the words "car ride"- which she heard at least once daily-, or dinner. She was easily the most popular member of the family, but sadly cancer took her. However, it just so happens that the only thing that can heal dog-induced heartbreak is a new puppy. I was happy to provide my services in this instance. Daddy says that I lack both the dignity and class of Frenchy, but that he will nonetheless continue to work with me.

Here I am barely a puppy, only 2 weeks old. As my mommy said, I looked like more like a rat than a puppy.

Here I am a little more puppy like at 4 weeks. This was the first time that my parents and I really got to play with each other. Notice how my tail does not even complete a full curl.

Here at 7 1/2 weeks I am a bona fide adorable puppy.

This is my first ever car ride. I slept in the box, which was set on top of Mommy's lap. They thought that I was going to be a good car-rider...I sure fooled them. [Parents' note: he is a horrible car-rider and we have been forced to give up on all doggy seatbelts, we now must lock the idiot in a crate to take him anywhere.]

This is me trying to get on my snuggle-nest back in the days when it was huge!!!

This me soundly asleep upon the aforementioned snuggle-nest.

This was me with my Sombrero that my parents got me from Mexico.

This was the dress that Daddy got me because he thought it was funny. I showed him, I destroyed his remote control (also pictured) and he was forced to watch one channel for several days until Mommy bought him a universal remote.

This is me as a plump puggy puppy. Too many frappacinos will destroy a bikini figure, but frappacinos are everywhere in Starbucks dominated Seattle.

WATER TORTURE!!! It sucks, and my parents still subject me to it on a weekly basis.

This was my frog outfit, one of my first costumes. It was put on as punishment for making Mommy mad. Apparently, "Don't piss off a red-head" is a universal truth.

This is me snuggling soundly upon my original BFFs. I have gone through about 7 loofas, one stuffed pig toy, and the ducky is now on life support. I should also mentioned that I have destroyed scores of other toys, and several things that were not mine.

This is me pretending to be an angel so that Daddy does not kick me out on the Street, like he has threatened to do on several occaisons [Daddy's note: after he pooped on the bed, peed on my pillow, and bit my ear and made it bleed].
Snarf everyone later,
Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth