Thursday, November 29, 2007

Kennel Cough Sucks
So, I am temporarily out of commission with a bit of kennel cough but, aside from sounding like a two pack a day smoker, there are no ill effects. Mommy and Daddy even give me honey to help my coughing (the vet said it was ok). Also, my normal awesome vet did not see me because it was an unexpected appointment and the new guy suggested that my parents keep me inside since it will be cold the next few days. What the hell? Is he not aware that I rarely ever go outside? You'd think he's never met a pug before.

This is me laid up and, according to Daddy, looking like a fat beached baby seal. The way I see it, a few days or so of special pampering never hurt any pug.

This is "elle-ae"... which Mommy did not take me to.

This is the beach that I was not able to run on.

This is the boardwalk I could not walk on and a fair that I could not ride any of the fun rides at. I am still bitter at Mommy, but she has been buying her way back into my good graces with additional treats and snuggle time. PS- I intended to photo shop myself into these pictures, but we do not have photo shop and, even if we did, I doubt that I would have it sufficiently mastered to meet my stern quality control standards.
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My First True Love
Everyone knows of the stupid cliche propagated by obnoxious schoolgirls that such a thing exists as love at first sight. I cynically rejected such a childish notion for my first four months of life. Then, like with asinine comments from conservative commentators, I was overwhelmed by the flurry of emotion brought upon by one small being. Unlike my normal feelings upon watching Fox News, I did not reach for a pitch fork or torch; but rather I immediately sought out the beautiful sub-three pound temptress that so entranced me. I am, of course, referring to Angel Maggie of the Pug farm. I aggressively declared my love, but alas my love was unrequited. Maggie said she would be happy to be my friend, and even happier to accept gifts of stuffed toys and gem-studded collars, but her heart was too pure to give her love to a single pug, even if he was royalty and likely to eventually dominate the Eastern Seaboard. Gifts would have been showered upon her, but my lack of opposable thumbs and inability to master Microsoft's mail-merge technology prevented them from reaching their intended target. So, like so many others, I admired dear Maggie from afar, assuming that there would always be plenty of opportunity to do so. As it turns out this was incorrect. While I may have initially taken my first rejection hard, I am a much stronger pug for having known my dear Maggie.

One of the things that attracted me to Maggie, besides her unequaled beauty, was her sense of style. This is her in a lovely pink tutu.

Lo and behold I, as pictured above, possess the same tutu. I think her shapeliness filled the dress much better than my thick self.

We also both seemed to have the habit of attempting to bite off far more than we could chew. For instance, she attempted here to eat an entire pumpkin; while I attempted on several occasions to eat an entire size nine snow-boot.

She also had feisty personality that guaranteed one would never experience a dull moment with her.

But most importantly, she had the heart and look of an Angel...which, of course, she now is. We shall all miss you Dear Maggie.
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I Am Being Abandoned
Mommy is leaving for "Elle-ay" for a week and, to make matters worse, she is leaving Daddy in charge. I don't know exactly where or what Elle-ay is, but Mommy says it is in California where those Bimbos Paris Hilton and Britney Spears live. Daddy got a maniacal look in his eyes when he found out that he would be in charge and I am concerned for my personal safety. Furthermore, there will be no posts until at least next Tuesday (in a week) when Mommy returns with the camera (although Daddy has thought about doing a "greatest hits" like thing).

This is me nervously asking Mommy if she really has to go.

This is me threatening to destroy the house furniture, with the exception of certain necessaries that I need to rest comfortably on.

Mommy, please don't go!!!!

This is the devastation that a Pug shows upon realizing that the entire Universe does not revolve around them, and that parents will occasionally have the audacity to abandon for a week out of the year.
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I Will Never Lose Due to Intimidation Again
Rumor through the PIA pugvine is that the victorious German Shepherd intimidated the judge into voting for her by alluding to "relations" with an underground Dog society capable of "getting to anyone." I can only assume that she was referring to PIA which, needless to say, has no associations with such brute beasts. To prevent this from happening again I shall become the buffest blogger on the block!!!

This is me conducting one of my workouts. I do two thousand bite-pulls a day to stay in tip top pug shape.

As you can see, these workouts tire me out...that and doggy daycare. I deduct the costs of doggy daycare as a business expense since it is there that I gather most of the intelligence for PIA.

I really miss my snugglenest and I was forced to resort to sleeping in my toy box recently (I destroyed my snugglenest).

This is me yawning, I hope none of you actually needed that explained.

My legs are famous for their amazing flexibility, but the deadly martial arts that PIA practices requires not only strength and stamina, but also grace and flexibility.

I sleep a lot. Those PIA mandated pug naps exist for a reason.

This is a last glimpse of me in the toy box/bed.
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Sunday, November 11, 2007

I Lost! I Was Robbed!!!
I lost "best working dog" to a German Shepard with a backpack. The Judge said it was because I did not schmooze with him when he came over to meet me. Silly me, I thought that merit would determine the winner. My parents tell me that it is an honor just to be nominated but the bitter taste of an underserved defeat continues to pollute my mouth ... along with the stinkbug I ate before my parents could react.

This is me sticking my tongue out at defeat.

This is the display of prizes, and you can see the runway and the crowd in the background. This is as close as I got to the prizes.

Here's an action shot of me and Mommy working the runway. Sorry it's blurry, that's Daddy's fault.

Here we are on the runway with the judge and my competition. I could have sworn I had it in the bag by this point.

Here are the ten winners, notice that I am not up there. That huge german shephard with the backpack on is the one who beat me.

There were lots of other dogs at the event, and we had some time to mingle before the show. This is Winston (hereinafter "the fake," to avoid confusion). He is a bona fide 30 pound pug.

This is "the fake" with his Dad. They won first place for best pet/owner lookalike.

Winston "the fake" did not seem overly impressed by their win.

These were Winston's two chihuahuah siblings.

Here are a couple more pugs. You may remember them from their picture, where they were sitting together on a big tractor. They did not make the finals... losers.

This is a bulldog. I am told that this is the way that all of them look.

This is another dog with strange eyes. This condition makes me feel a certain kinship to him.

This is a portable mop, I have no idea why its owners brought it but they may be the custodial contractors or something.

This is recovering from the shock of my loss. Me and Mommy were sure that my looks and her wearing of her "Pug Power" sweatshirt would make us shoo-ins. I apologize to my fans for failing, let us regroup and perhaps we shall try again next year.
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

How My Parents Made Me Go on a Walk And Look for a Job, But Bought Me a New Toy and Hamburger
I had a really fun past weekend!!! Also, I went to the Dogtomitrist and my good eye looks good and my bad eye looks bad, but the vet says that overall everything is ship shape!

First I went for a walk with my parents. See, Daddy was pouting because Texas was getting killed 35-14 going into the fourth quarter, but amazingly, they came back and won 38-35 and Daddy did not get to see it.

Look at all the leaves. It was a veritable buffet for ME!!!!!

Later, my parents took me to a dog shop called Buster and Sullivan's. This is Frankie, he works there. It is his job to greet the customers and keep a blanket behind the counter warm. PIA was sent to ensure that all pug-labor and OSHA provisions were being followed. This particular store seems to be in compliance since constant naps are allowed and treats are available. His human also works as a manager at the store.

Here Frankie greets another customer.

I thought this thing was some kind of domesticated rat, but Daddy assured me that it is some kind of dog. Apparently, this breed has even fewer practical uses than pugs.

Frankie showed some bling bling collars to the customer. I think he may also have been keeping an eye on this creature out of a fear that it would shoplift, but I am unaware if anything happened.
These are the hamburger and fries that Mommy and Daddy bought me from the dog shop. The fries in particular were quite delicious!!

This is my new advisor, Alberto Gonzales 2.0. He has all the upsides of the original Alberto but without the looming indictment. Also, he dispenses these stuffed eggs (depicted in the picture above located between Alberto and myself, on the ground but in front of the bookshelf and the pillow stuffed under the bookshelf to prevent my balls from going under there constantly, resulting in me constantly digging for them and leading my parents to consider pugicide) that I absolutely love!!!

See me and my awesome new egg. Thank you humans for being nice to me for a change!!!
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

Sunday, November 04, 2007

More Pug-o-ween
As everyone is aware Seattle is the Pug Capital of the World.* So this means that I Get to go to multiple pug-o-weens, which sucks because I hate them but is very nice for my parents. A note regarding PALBWAATHRODCBWDTPTHHWPQ, the requirements are that there be a posting every 3 business days with a reasonable grace period and exceptions for good cause and vacations provided that proper notice is given. Therefore, I have never come close to violating any by-laws of this most honorable organization (accusations have been sheepishly made).

This is me with my creepy bad eye at Pug-o-ween #2. I went as a shark and spent most my time on my Mommy's lap.

This is my buddy Gus from the dogpark. He likes costumes as much as I do (not at all) and is devastated here that his parents put on his pumpkin outfit.

This is Gus hiding against his Mommy.

This is me sniffing Gus and inquiring as to why he is sitting on my Daddy's lap. His answer left me unsatisfied.

This is my Daddy's pug puppy du jour, she was a little 12 weeker. He is such a jerk.

This alien like things was dressed as a bumble-bee.

This was the little black pug pup and her pug parents dressed as lobsters.

She is trying to escape the cooking pot here.

This pug was getting rocked to sleep. My parents referred to this as "standard pug behavior."

This is me exhausted in my costume at the end of the contest...which I did not win. INJUSTICE!!!
Snarf everydog later,
/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth
*Source- Me