Greetings my fellow Americans. As you may have noticed, last week's episode of the Cosette Colbert Report was preempted by the Democratic National Convention. There was clearly a glitch in the system, as the Cosette Colbert Repot is still a new undertaking. Mistakes were made, and I will not place blame on anyone specific, although the truth is, it was all Winston's fault. This week, I fine-tuned some things and I did not let the Republican National Convention ruin my Report. We didn't let Winston go, we just fixed the glitch.
For this week's Report, I would like to share with you a wonderful story that my Aunt Lynn told me. There are a lot more words than my posts normally contain, but I promise it is worth reading all of them! Enjoy.
The Story of Adam and Eve's Pets
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.' And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.' And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.' And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.' And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.' And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Here's lookin' at you with two eyes,
/s/ Cosette Colbert d'Bonapug