An Open Letter to Congressman Jim McDermott (WA-7th)
Dear Sir:

I am a non-voting constituent, but I hope that you are willing to consider a serious matter that I have recently, and quite tragically, come to to experience. First of all, allow me to state that I am a patriotic pug who has nothing but the well being of this great country at heart (see picture below).

I actually wanted the Stars and Stripes to be in the background, but Mommy and Daddy refused to assist my "propaganda," so I had to make do with a Texas Flag. What concerns me is the penchant of sadistic pug parents to "neuter" their babies. This is nothing less than savagery. In order to save this great nation I believe that it is necessary that Pugs be placed in charge. Only we pugs have the ability to restore peace and prosperity to this country.

This offer sounds great, I know, but I have a few demands. In addition to complete control of the country and all nuclear codes, I will require five pounds of cooked ground meat a day, an unlimited supply of peanut butter, and a Harem that is to be originally composed of Maggie, Suki, and Panda. Also, I demand a "Congressional authorization of the use of force" which is to be directed at all Jack Russell Terriers.

If my demands are not met we pugs will withhold all love from our owners. Based on the high concentration of pugs in Seattle it is likely that morale within the city will collapse, and the inevitable result will be that Microsoft Vista will be even crappier than originally anticipated. I hope that you will see the wisdom of my offer and remember: I shall rule firmly but benevolently.

Snarf everyone later,

/s/ Winston, Grand Duke of Pugsworth

cc: President George W. Bush, c/o Dick Cheney

Steven Colbert

Simon Cowell

Nancy Pelosi (and all other spineless Democrats)

Now, I shall nap